Don't you want to live?

No, I want to be remembered

Don't you want to feel?

No, my glory is deprivation

Don't you want to be loved?

No, I just want to serve

Such an existence
Won't feel the transition of death
They chose it long before

Self-inflicted martyrdom

Masochists in a hero's mask

Fine lines get crossed
The quest to be good
Convolutes what is right
And the need to be right often suffocates
The joy and natural process

... of being human.

To everyone who understands that the reasons for living can't be born of, bought by, or earned from.... standing on one side or the other of an ultimatum... even if that ultimatum is your own.

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Oh how fragile 

Oh so thin
Oh so dainty

The meet and greet
Between two mutually attracted people
Has become

It should be a journey of like
An exploration of lust
Finding each other
A discovery!

But

Before I can say anything
Before I even do anything
Before I really communicate

I am hit with

"I am not looking for a relationship"
"I am not in a place to commit"
"I don't want to date"
And my favorite... "what are you looking for?"

Relationships are built, not found
Commitment comes with trust
Dating isn't a relationship!
I am just looking to get to know you!

But nobody believes me
When I say I just want to get to know
No one will stand in that moment
With me

Just let it be
Let it become something
Or nothing!

They all kill it
Prematurely

You don't want anything
You want to make that clear
Before you even give me a chance
You are already telling me no
You are kinda like everyone else

Fascinating (eye roll)
You are such a mystery (get in line)
So unpredictable (didn't see that coming)
Yawn

Fragile
Thin
Dainty

Cute?

Blink
Blink

... No!

Now I am just annoyed
I gave my time to another someone
Who doesn't want anyone

Wonderful!
Grand!

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Sitting in my tub
Shower running
Wishing it was rain

I have already bathed
Fresh and clean but exhausted
Indulging in my luxury
Running water

I switch it to cold
Not interested in relaxing
Wanting to feel awake

I wait
Anticipate 
I want
The jolt

I stare at my toes
They are long, like fingers
I watch the water circle the drain
Just like my intentions

I lean forward to feel it fall
Right on my skull
Wonderful pounding
Mirroring my thoughts

Feel the chill
Head to chest
Down my back
And I shiver
Moments pass and I grow used to it

I knew my discomfort would fade
Wanted something to take my breath
The human body is amazing
Just like the human spirit

It can surpass the unthinkable
It will adapt

I am tired
I am 34 and I am tired

A man is measured by his status
A woman by her physical appearance
Both measuring freedom by money

And the blankets!
We have so many blankets!

Safety nets

Catch phrases

Comfort zones

All the excuses that are thrown down
For ignoring a fellow human
For ignoring ourselves
For shutting people out
For shutting down

Intention or desire aside
What about (self)respect
What about (self)honesty

If we would just give it a minute
Just a heartbeat or two

It could make all the difference
That moment of reaching
So I will
So I do

When did being genuine
Become a turn off
Why has it become unreasonable
To want sincerity

Why do I feel so humiliated
I tried
I failed
I know I will just try again anyway!

I just need a minute
I am defeated
Just for a minute
I am sitting in it
Just for a minute

I watched the water circle the drain
Just like my intentions

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This smell

Of cool air
And rain drenched earth

Nothing is moving

These nights I used to...
Swim

Lap after lap

I can feel the temperature difference
Warm surface
Cool deep

Back and forth

So comfortable that I could
Close my eyes

Wall to wall

Legs
Lungs
Arms
Heart

All I needed was
Home (belonging)
And something bigger than me
Water (growth)

Those days
I just needed everyone to be ok
I just needed to be ok

Now they are good
I am good

I still need home
And something bigger than me

IMG 5104

 

I don't flirt
I talk
I don't tease
I tell
I don't play
I ask

I don't hunt
I don't hide
I don't chase
I don't run

I don't (have) game

I am me
I am right here

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She gives her love away

Almost always without hesitation

Like it is sunshine

All anyone needs to do is step into it

 

To her it is a way of life

Like the door is always open

Everyone is welcome

Some take advantage of it

 

I get protective

It really isn't my place

 

She taught me to show love

She deserves to be shown love

 

When you come along

You will see what I mean

 

She will give you her time

As if she's got nothing but

Absorb the colors of you

And draw you out

 

To her the return is growing a friendship

Finding common ground

Knowing how to share a laugh

Creating those precious memories

 

I will pick up on it

I only want one thing

To see you fill her heart

And offer your own sunshine

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He took my hand.

I don't know why.

 

It wasn't something I had thought about.

It wasn't anticipated.

Caught off guard.

 

That moment.

I knew nothing but that moment.

 

I stopped.

 

Stopped talking.

Stopped thinking.

Stopped breathing.

 

It was something.

 

I let go before it could become nothing.

I know why.

 

Ready.

I have grown. My world needs to expand. I want to push myself.

Set.

Do I even know how to want, to chase, to hunt? Have I become someone who isn't even willing to try for fear of failure?

Go.

Time to explore! I want to wrap my fingers around something that was once out of reach.

I met Rachel last October at City Bistro in St. Augustine. I was sent to procure two of her pieces on behalf of a family member as gifts. 

I had just encountered Rachel's work that morning. I was drinking coffee and eating a breakfast sandwich with family. To my left was one of Rachel's pieces. I was told to look. I glanced but the glare on the glass made it difficult to see. I turned back to my family and was told again, "No Sarah, look."

So I did. 

A naked woman in the rain wearing a red hat. 

I got lost in it for a beat and then I heard, "Isn't she beautiful?"

She was. I could relate.

I thought I was going to be able to just pick her and Red Boat up as gifts and get on with my day. I was told by an employee at the cafe that the artist wanted to meet the buyer. 

I explained that I wasn't the buyer but I would still like to meet the artist. 

There was a connection and the rest is...not history but yet to come! 

Moving forward I am working with Rachel to share her present victories, future dreams, and past turning points. I am honored to be entrusted with the telling of her ever evolving story. It will be an incredible adventure! 

I will also start sharing my work here as well.  Stay tuned! 

sarah marieWelcoming Sarah Marie
to the team!

Sarah is an astonishing and impelling woman.
I am excited for you all to get to know this
inspirational young woman.

Her talent, adversity, and dedication
are what draw you into her deep, insightful, passionate, and poignant
writings. I have had the pleasure of getting to know her through her
natural and creative outlet, writing.
I'm certain you will come to discover as you get to
know her, just as I have.